lee taro

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my\aposematism

i fall asleep during conversations. it's a bad habit of mine that i've never managed to break. it's not that you're not interesting - - - i'm sure you're quite fascinating, really. it's me. i just... have difficulty keeping myself tethered to this version of reality. the one you and i share. the one the world insists we live in.have you ever wondered what would happen if we refused to live in their reality?sorry - - - i got side-tracked. i was introducing myself. right. apologies. this happens all the time. there are so many more interesting things to talk about in this universe than me... though i guess you came here hoping to learn something about me, huh?alright, i'll oblige. you can call me lee. it's like knee, but with an l. lee. lee taro. i'm a pisces if you must know - maybe that explains my predisposition to inner emotional turmoil. my major arcana card is THE SUN. my head spends more time in the clouds than on earth and there's a good chance that if you're looking for me - - - i'm not going to be where i'm supposed to be. i've always got headphones on, though sometimes they aren't playing music. it's to stop people from talking to me - - - because, really, most people don't say very interesting things. i've always got a mask on - - - can you see through it? or are you just another mundane? ... that's a shame.what were we talking about?// lee | i just want your inspiration - - - i don't want your heart //

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fade//monochrome

if you've found your way here - - - i pity you. i really do. i pity myself for the lies that i've trapped myself in - - - but i pity you more, for thinking i'm worth something as valuble as your time.you see - - - - i'd move the earth for you, but nothing would make you notice what i've been holding inside of me. i'd steal the moon for you, but nothing would make you see the real me.let me share a dream with you that i had recently. maybe - just maybe - it'll help you to understand that it's smarter to walk away from me.i'll start off at the beginning: i'll set the scene.it's dark - i can only see maybe five feet in front of me. there's black asphalt beneath my feet, matching the black converse that i'm wearing. this is important - - - i've had this pair of converse since high school (it's been a few years we've walked the road of my life together). they are beaten up, missing the little gold locks that used to hang off each one, and the strap on each that the locks held closed is now held closed by a single silver safety pin on each. these converse have been through a lot. beyond the black asphalt is nothing - just darkness. the asphalt itself fades out into the darkness, and there's nothing to the surroundings beyond this darkness. no fog. no mist. no shadows. nothing. just darkness.am i alone? i wonder, at first - i certainly feel alone, but not in a bad way. not in a sad way. just in a factual way - you know, when you think "i'm alone" and feel nothing at the thought?i blink - and i'm no longer alone. he's standing there - taller than me by a foot. brown hair. brown eyes. pastel sighs - he's bleeding sunrise colors into the darkness in front of me like an aura. chocolate brown from his eyes. coral pink from his knit sweater. sunflower yellow from his painted nails. ocean-mist gray from his jeans. snow white from his high-tops. the colors are muted, soft, fuzzy - as if just out of my field of view.but they reached for me - reached and bled into the sunset orange that i was bleeding - am i on fire? i think i'm on fire. oh, i'm on fire. how strange, when did that happen?he looks at me curiously, but doesn't speak. his body language says it all - head tilted to the side in question, facial expression a degree away from concern. he wants to know why i'm on fire - why am i burning?why am i so calm while burning?i deny it. i'm not burning. on fire - am i, really? burning, it doesn't feel like it hurts. it doesn't hurt. i'm burning and it doesn't hurt. so i deny it - i'm on fire but i'm not burning.and he stands there, staring at me with a single eyebrow raised, the corners of his eyes crinkling with his amused smile - silently asking - - - are you sure you're not burning?and he listens to me deny what is obvious to the both of us.i'm not burning.and still he remains, sad smile, sad sighs, listening to my sad lies.and somehow, i know.he's an observer to something i caused with my own actions. he's simply watching... like a comforting presence, as the color bleeds from me through flames in the dark. his eyes speak the words that his smiling lips don't; "ah, look at what you've done this time... but don't worry, i'll be here for you when you figure it out."and somehow, the fact that i'm burning doesn't bother me as much.do you understand now? i want to be a better person for you but i'm afraid that i'm enamored with this darkness inside of me. the bittersweet bite of insanity is freeing in a way your reality could never be. the decaying aftertaste leaves me wanting more, wanting to remember what it was like at the beginning.what was it like, at the beginning?that's a story for another time.// lee | the fact that i'm burning doesn't bother me as much as it used to //

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noir//non\blanc

i remember lying next to her on my bed, shoulder-to-shoulder, fingers entwined. i remember wondering will this be it for us. i remember being terrified at the thought of is this enough for us. i remember thinking we've made our own paradise. i remember hoping that we never change.i remember when she said the night has never felt so dark. i remember being devastated to find that her heart beat just fine without me.in this cage that they trapped us in, only one of us was ever meant to get out alive. i left myself behind to help her escape. unlike me, she can't hide in her mind. she can't play pretend. make friends out of torturers. family out of jailers. she can't convince herself that this is what she wants. she can't act the fool. unlike me, she can't put on a performance good enough to trick even herself.she never could see the world i'd painted in my mind to help me get through those dark nights. where i blinded myself looking at the sun, she shaded her eyes. one of us wanted to see the beauty in the darkness, and the other only wanted to find the light.unlike me, she couldn't trap herself in her mind, imprison the best parts of herself somewhere far away to keep them safe from the world around us.now that she's gone her heart beats just fine without me but in that memory we still lay, shoulder to shoulder, in our self-made paradise.after surviving so long in wrapped up in your own world... how does one discern dreams from reality?because the truth is (on the inside) i'm terrified.// lee | why does drowning take my breath away? //

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XIX\sunflower

☼ XIX | THE SUN.
The Sun represents happiness, optimism, and wholeness. warm and bright, it brings life to those that surround it and carries the message that all will be well, if not now then soon. it is the flux and flow of the world; the highs and lows, where you can take on the world in its brilliance or you can lay low and wait for The Sun's return. at heart, The Sun is the symbol for positivity, optimism, freedom and fun - but as it burns bright, it is in danger of burning itself out.people are drawn to the happy vibes and positive energy The Sun gives out as inevitably brings light and joy to everyone it comes into contact with. it encourages feeling carefree, liberated and self-assured. it is also the card of truth. lies and deception come to light and the truth is revealed - even if the liar is The Sun itself.The Sun shares the passion of fire; where it burns bright with vitality, it burns out in sadness. those who burn the brightest can succumb to the deepest sadness, depression and pessimism.[+] keywords. positivity, freedom, fun, success, optimism, vitality, joy, confidence, self-expression, good luck, enthusiasm, happiness, truth, openness.[-] keywords. lack of enthusiasm, excessive enthusiasm, sadness, pessimism, unrealistic expectations, ego, conceitedness, oppression.

// lee | like a sunflower i can't help but selfishly reach for the light //